A little 2025 Catch Up :)

Photo: Mixed Textile Landscape

Just a little rant/update/artist exploration situation…

This new work, in combination with being sick more than I have in my entire life, has me feeling extremely reflective at the moment.  This piece here is what I’ve been envisioning and I’ve got a big goal to work towards that has me simply elated. With this process I have been reflecting on both the state of the world (and how art is/will be impacted) and sifting through my life traumas and plans for the future- so yeah, it’s a lot mentally. Once I wrote that it totally makes sense that I feel the need for an internal release.

Just to give some background on me, my business and art career, I’ve always been creative.I like to share my first creative memory that I remember which was applying and removing lisa frank stickers in a photo album in the 90’s, creativity has always been a comfort and release for me. I grew up the oldest, taking on lots of responsibility and just doing what I needed to to get through growing up in my house. I was the first to go to a university, earning a master’s degree in interior design (to teach) completely on my own.  The weight of the world has always felt like it fell on my shoulders and I have to keep reminding myself I’ve provided for myself through it all.

In 2014 my life changed forever when I lost my closest brother.  I was working a design job out of state and found it hard to simply function after the loss. I couldn't perform my job anymore and it’s what made me realize I needed to do something I was passionate about v.s. Something I felt like I “needed” to do. So in 2015 I moved back to my home state to take a creative job and explore what really made me happy, knowing I wanted to pursue creativity on my own terms.
I had several creative, fulfilling jobs but nothing made me feel the way my business that I started made me feel.  I got initial cards, a website, an etsy up and running and started selling a focused crochet collection. My first show in December 2015 was super motivating and was my sign “I could do this” so I kept persevering. By 2017 I had the opportunity to go full time and I took it. I had developed a beanie that was popular, had patterns in mind, getting into my laser work and things felt like they were really coming together. By the end of the 2019 season I even had enough for a down payment on a home and 2020 is when things shifted all over again.
I started the year pregnant  and lost my second trimester pregnancy February 6th, then two weeks later my mom (who I had a complicated relationship with and wasn’t speaking to at the time) passed the same way my brother did by taking her life. In July I lost my very best friend, my paternal grandmother who i didn’t realize she was as sick as she was, coupled with the pandemic and trying to conceive again. I lost my second, second trimester baby in October 2020 and we actually signed the paperwork for our first home the day after I got out of the hospital and could barely walk.
I was lucky enough to have laser work keep me my business going during this time and I’m sure it helped me more than I realized, but other than that with all the things going on in my life it was hard to even think about work creatively. By the next year we had a diagnosis for me medically, but in May when I was 18 weeks pregnant with my daughter they said I would loose her and I refused to accept that fate again. I demanded an experimental surgery, progesterone and bed rest and guess what- to my high risk Dr.’s surprise, it actually worked.

After our miracle girl was born in October 2021, I had limited capacity for anything else. When I look back I was still making things but it doesn’t feel like it, if that makes sense. I was stunted and worried something would happen to my child and my husband and I didn’t and still don’t have support aside from us two so it was a bumpy road. I didn’t realize how hard recovering from an emergency C-section and getting through the newborn stage would grind me/us down, as well as dealing with trauma and mental health issues at the time. And as I look back now, I should have given us more time to process our previous losses and life changes before we kept trying for another child. My thought process was if I wanted two eventually I had to get on it, but now I think because I didn’t wait- we may not have the capacity for another child, but that’s a whole other topic.

This leads me to one of my main areas of interest right now being matrescense (the transformation of motherhood) and how this affects a woman’s life moving forward after you have living children to care for. It completely changes you, your identity and how you function as a person. As someone that feels things so deeply, I don’t know how people do so much with multiple children, it’s so all encompassing and that’s led me to reflect a lot. Reflecting on my past traumas (many of which I haven't mentioned) combined with new information about my family and raising a child in a way that breaks so many generational curses, it feels like my work takes a back seat, na- it lives in the trunk. It’s hard to get to a lot of things every day and I think adjusting your expectations is so crucial as a parent in general.

There’s also the state of the world combined with my natural urge to change things up career wise about every ten years that’s nagging the back of my mind too.  I am craving more intellectual stimulation and sometimes a more stable income/career to invest my time in. Then I remember how much I love working in my own way and I will always have my art practice as a priority. Since most of my career in doing shows was pre-pandemic, I can see a clear difference in how the atmosphere is now, and it’s only becoming tougher. Financially, when people would buy multiple $40/50 beanies at a time without a blink they now have to consider one. I also don’t see a lot of fiber artists at shows and I wonder if a lot of people learned crochet during the pandemic so my work doesn’t resonate the same? I’m not sure but at the same time these feelings have been hitting me. I've also had many new interests in the last few years.

In 2023 I became very interested in natural dyeing and just last year needle work, up cycling and quilting imagery have not left my brain. Finally last year I had a nice show schedule that gave me the opportunity to make some new things outside of my beanies and man, that’s what people liked and got me really excited! This is the part when I start to reflect on how grateful I am to be able to focus on my own work and care for our child. It may look privileged (which I do recognize it is) and it also comes with it’s own challenges but I am so grateful that my husband and I get to both be home for our child while she is so young. We make a lot of sacrifices to do what we love and most importantly give our child what we think is best. I even just found a co-op preschool that we are in the midst of registering for that seams wonderful, so we are excited!
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I definitely think that having school in my mind for her is what’s really shaking things up. Its a change, its good for her and us and it feels like having at least SOME designated time to focus on my body of work is near. So this is me proclaiming that I am ready to take up space. My work matters and brings joy in a world of such uncertainty. I want to be unique, authentic and inspired. I want a plan and intention moving forward. I want to channel how to do my best work while I explore what is next for myself and my family unit. I’m sure every day will look different and hopefully we can stay healthy to figure it out. In the meantime I drift back to the fantasy of this fiber piece that brings me so much joy as I build on it for upcoming events and shop openings. I’ll forever be the person with too many ideas so I’m gonna go see what sparks my interest today. 
Thanks for being here, listening and supporting my journey. -Jenna-