Disclaimer: This entry has no flashy pictures or fun things to look at but really just rolled off my brain into text. It's also quite personal which I have been considering going more in that direction so I will have to see how this feels:)
Now that I have changed positions(which I haven’t even started yet) I just can’t stop wondering if what I want to accomplish is possible?!! I already worked so hard when I was working 32 hours or less at my previous job and had creative overlap. I will be working more and while I will have a lot of freedom I have to use it wisely and help build a sector of a business. I just can’t help wondering if it is all really possible?
AT the end of 2016 I overbooked myself, worked myself like crazy-0 and for what? I’m still reflecting on everything I did and I have ideas for the new year. New projects, new goals and a business type plan but I also need to consider the actual quality of the life I’m leading. Leaving time for free time, spending time on meaningful relationships and just doing things for fun. I left no room for this and drove myself into the ground.
I think part of this is why I needed to leave my previous employer. I wore myself down and every situation, drama and unfair practice that has wore on me for the last two years just wasn’t worth it anymore. Sometimes I feel like I gave up on that place, and partly on my dream because it was so flexible and continuously creative.
Then I remind myself I am simply pursuing an opportunity. I can always leave(although not completely in my nature) if I don’t like it but I have a great opportunity before me. I get to work for a company that WANTS me to take an initiative. That TRUSTS me to build their business and is WILLING to work with my other commitments. They are giving me the FREEDOM to work on my own business while at work and I get a predictable schedule, who would want or need more?
ANother thought that scares me is how much I enjoy working on project when they aren’t for money. That once you take the pressure off it feels liberating, comporting and free. This year for me is all about exploration and enjoyment. I know how to work, to dedicate myself to something- it’s a trait that I was born with and will never give up. But what type of life do I want to lead? WHat type of wedding will I eventually like to have? And I guess the root of this exploration is WHAT DO I WANT TO SEE MY BUSINESS GROW INTO?
I have tons of ideas for my business- website, products, shows so I just need to go with it. But really remember it’s what I enjoy to do and that’s why I do it:)