Yesterday I ticked off a big box off my to do list- took pictures for my Etsy account. If you follow my social media happenings at all, you know I have a huge vending event coming up in 3 weeks (my largest event yet). This task was really weighing on me. I was totally stressing myself out about it, this super fun project to build my business. I realized what it was turning it into in my head and felt better and better as I kept simplifying my plan.
Initially I was going to do this huge shoot with multiple models. In the end I was the model, and even when I got to the location I ditched my multiple outfits for a couple tank top changes to compliment the hats. I was able to do this without feeling guilt or freakouts leading up to the shoot. I proceeded as I felt so self conscious posing for the photos, but I got past it(shout out to one of my besties for complimenting me the whole time) and even had a blast!
I knew if I enjoyed the experience and really took advantage of my surroundings that at the very least it would be a starting point for what I’m trying to accomplish creatively. I got to spend time with great friends, explore, laugh and play. It was such a beautiful night. The lighting couldn't have been better and connecting with nature like that really resonated with me.
I couldn’t wait to look at these pictures, I drove home at 2 in the morning and downloaded them right away. All I did when those babies popped up was look at the imperfections, my imperfections. So I picked a fight with my boyfriend and went to bed. I woke up this morning knowing I was irrational(already a huge step for me) and thought about how I wanted to proceed, how I wanted to treat my creative work that I put too much love and passion into.
I started with peace - with truth - with a kind heart toward myself. Not feeling bad that I slept in (hey it’s the weekend and I was out late!) because this is what I would usually do. I felt re-invigorated, excited to edit the photos and prioritized what else I needed to do today. I told myself I wouldn’t look at my weight, or if my hair looked too frizzy. I knew that no matter what that this project has value, that I have value.
This may seem simple to most people, but to me, what I’ve been through and what I’ve put myself through - it’s life altering. I grew up feeling so horrible and insecure. I’ve faced so many trials, and have felt alone thought it all. I’ve put so much blame on myself and hid from the world when I could have been out exploring it. I’ve let anxiety and depression overtake my existence when there was so much in front of me to celebrate.
I’ve been going through one of the largest transitions of my life this year. Realizing the cycles my brain gets caught up in, and how to stop the negative from taking over my thoughts. I’m slowly but surely learning to heal and live in the moment. Coming to realize the things(and people) in my life that may not be good for me and letting those go.
Appreciating the beautiful things I have been given and not to mention all the amazing people that have come into my life. Knowing I am enough, and how I’m so fortunate that the person I’m with Truly loves me.
So here’s to loving yourself, loving your life. Because when you start to try, and keep trying- you will have so much more to be thankful for.
I’m beyond ecstatic to look at this photo. It’s my very favorite from the weekend and yes it’s touched up, but just enhanced. It resembles my transition. It shows how happy and free I’m becoming and I just had to put that energy out into the universe. I feel more like me, nothing can compare and I wish the same for every other soul on this planet.
Thank you so much for reading! Here’s to all of us giving ourselves more love, grace and confidence so we may fulfill our potential and spread that love to others as well.