Yesterday I ticked off a big box off my to do list- took pictures for my Etsy account. If you follow my social media happenings at all, you know I have a huge vending event coming up in 3 weeks (my largest event yet). This task was really weighing on me. I was totally stressing myself out about it, this super fun project to build my business. I realized what it was turning it into in my head and felt better and better as I kept simplifying my plan.
Initially I was going to do this huge shoot with multiple models. In the end I was the model, and even when I got to the location I ditched my multiple outfits for a couple tank top changes to compliment the hats. I was able to do this without feeling guilt or freakouts leading up to the shoot. I proceeded as I felt so self conscious posing for the photos, but I got past it(shout out to one of my besties for complimenting me the whole time) and even had a blast!
I knew if I enjoyed the experience and really took advantage of my surroundings that at the very least it would be a starting point for what I’m trying to accomplish creatively. I got to spend time with great friends, explore, laugh and play. It was such a beautiful night. The lighting couldn't have been better and connecting with nature like that really resonated with me.
I couldn’t wait to look at these pictures, I drove home at 2 in the morning and downloaded them right away. All I did when those babies popped up was look at the imperfections, my imperfections. So I picked a fight with my boyfriend and went to bed. I woke up this morning knowing I was irrational(already a huge step for me) and thought about how I wanted to proceed, how I wanted to treat my creative work that I put too much love and passion into.
I started with peace - with truth - with a kind heart toward myself. Not feeling bad that I slept in (hey it’s the weekend and I was out late!) because this is what I would usually do. I felt re-invigorated, excited to edit the photos and prioritized what else I needed to do today. I told myself I wouldn’t look at my weight, or if my hair looked too frizzy. I knew that no matter what that this project has value, that I have value.
This may seem simple to most people, but to me, what I’ve been through and what I’ve put myself through - it’s life altering. I grew up feeling so horrible and insecure. I’ve faced so many trials, and have felt alone thought it all. I’ve put so much blame on myself and hid from the world when I could have been out exploring it. I’ve let anxiety and depression overtake my existence when there was so much in front of me to celebrate.
I’ve been going through one of the largest transitions of my life this year. Realizing the cycles my brain gets caught up in, and how to stop the negative from taking over my thoughts. I’m slowly but surely learning to heal and live in the moment. Coming to realize the things(and people) in my life that may not be good for me and letting those go.
Appreciating the beautiful things I have been given and not to mention all the amazing people that have come into my life. Knowing I am enough, and how I’m so fortunate that the person I’m with Truly loves me.
So here’s to loving yourself, loving your life. Because when you start to try, and keep trying- you will have so much more to be thankful for.
I’m beyond ecstatic to look at this photo. It’s my very favorite from the weekend and yes it’s touched up, but just enhanced. It resembles my transition. It shows how happy and free I’m becoming and I just had to put that energy out into the universe. I feel more like me, nothing can compare and I wish the same for every other soul on this planet.
Thank you so much for reading! Here’s to all of us giving ourselves more love, grace and confidence so we may fulfill our potential and spread that love to others as well.
I have been struggling with some serious anxiety and depression lately. So much so, it has made me physically ill and I'm very determined for these feelings to not take over my life and what I want to get out of it.
In response I have been attending a lot of wellness related classes that have helped me tremendously. After attending several events this weekend, I wrote this affirmation the next day. This text had no purpose, but I see it now as a path for me to follow when I feel that sinking feeling. If this can help or relate to one person that is fantastic. PLEASE feel free to comment or discuss on this post as I am so passionate about it's content. It is by no means perfect, but I find it uplifting just the same. Hope you enjoy :).
"I honor myself for who I am and love thyself. I am the only me and I have a purpose. I can contribute what I have to offer and make a difference in the world around me, the way the universe calls me. I will bring light wherever I go and approach all situations with an open heart. I will have the time to accomplish all of my desires and will process all of them when the time is right. I will overcome my obstacles with grace as they approach and celebrate the joys of life with purity. Just as the world evolves, so do I. I ebb and flow, I belong and everything will work out the way it is intended to. Remembering not one single situation or object will complete me, it is more important to be present in the moment and live with intention. I have hope, I have faith, I give and receive love".
As always thanks for reading!
*Update to Comment Below
Thank you for the love Melinda! I wouldn't be half the person I am without you in my life. I'm very fortunate!!
Disclaimer: This entry has no flashy pictures or fun things to look at but really just rolled off my brain into text. It's also quite personal which I have been considering going more in that direction so I will have to see how this feels:)
Now that I have changed positions(which I haven’t even started yet) I just can’t stop wondering if what I want to accomplish is possible?!! I already worked so hard when I was working 32 hours or less at my previous job and had creative overlap. I will be working more and while I will have a lot of freedom I have to use it wisely and help build a sector of a business. I just can’t help wondering if it is all really possible?
AT the end of 2016 I overbooked myself, worked myself like crazy-0 and for what? I’m still reflecting on everything I did and I have ideas for the new year. New projects, new goals and a business type plan but I also need to consider the actual quality of the life I’m leading. Leaving time for free time, spending time on meaningful relationships and just doing things for fun. I left no room for this and drove myself into the ground.
I think part of this is why I needed to leave my previous employer. I wore myself down and every situation, drama and unfair practice that has wore on me for the last two years just wasn’t worth it anymore. Sometimes I feel like I gave up on that place, and partly on my dream because it was so flexible and continuously creative.
Then I remind myself I am simply pursuing an opportunity. I can always leave(although not completely in my nature) if I don’t like it but I have a great opportunity before me. I get to work for a company that WANTS me to take an initiative. That TRUSTS me to build their business and is WILLING to work with my other commitments. They are giving me the FREEDOM to work on my own business while at work and I get a predictable schedule, who would want or need more?
ANother thought that scares me is how much I enjoy working on project when they aren’t for money. That once you take the pressure off it feels liberating, comporting and free. This year for me is all about exploration and enjoyment. I know how to work, to dedicate myself to something- it’s a trait that I was born with and will never give up. But what type of life do I want to lead? WHat type of wedding will I eventually like to have? And I guess the root of this exploration is WHAT DO I WANT TO SEE MY BUSINESS GROW INTO?
I have tons of ideas for my business- website, products, shows so I just need to go with it. But really remember it’s what I enjoy to do and that’s why I do it:)
Finding out what you love, by simply eliminating your interests
I have recently had an opportunity that sounded interesting to me, but it ended up it wasn’t what I loved. I am so grateful that I have really been able to explore my love with working with kids through my current position. I always thought it would be fun, and I in a way just fell into it. I’ve been interested in working with kids but a few reasons have held me back.
Why don’t I fully do what I love now?
My initial thought when going to school was, if I spent all day with kids I wouldn’t have the energy for the the kids I had of my own one day. My second thought was when I was in a very conservative community setting and it seemed like “the thing to do” for women and being a “going against the grain” person like I am, I simply didn’t want to be like everyone else.
When it Sank In
When this other opportunity came up I had two experiences in the last week that really gravitated me toward working with kids, solidifying my love for working with them. I decided last minute on a day off last week to go out to an old friend's house and befriended her shy 5 year old. I had such a great time talking to her and getting her to open up and when that day was over I thought there was nothing like that feeling, and it made me wish more of my kids classes were running at work
Next was the more spooky experience. I actually went to an interview and as it turns out that interview went quite well. My purpose for doing so was pursuing an interest and also fear of not having a steady income this summer. The next day after the interview I came hope sick, slept for 5 hours after work and actually dreamt about working with kids- kind of threw me for a loop and made me reflect on past ideas I’ve had on doing that independently.
The next steps
I have a fantastic idea to get myself out there in the world, working with kids in a way that I think can be on my own terms. I will dedicate a day a week to work on developing these ideas and testing them out on my elementary age friends I already have:) I also plan to meet with a groo friend who is a teacher to get some insight on that, look into a child development course again and look into volunteering with kids to make sure to get that interaction and keep building my skills. I’m looking forward to these alternatives as opposed to jumping into school right away like I did when I was younger.
The Big Picture
I really congratulate anyone that has found what they love, and especially those who are sticking in there to explore what that may be. I ,myself jumped right into college after literally picking a major out of a catalog, and while I do have a knack for the major I chose, it’s definitely not what’s in my heart. I challenge each of us to evaluate what you really want to do. WHat speaks to you and fuels you all throughout the day. Once you are on to something you will know, and it may even cause you to blog at 4 in the morning:)
Pictured: My two series for kids I will be running at the Northville Art House this Summer, in a addition to organizing the kids events at The Village Workshop.
(let's celebrate these accomplishments before moving on)
As a creative person, of course ideas and imagination are a key part of who I am. I know I am great at ideas, and my level of execution is much lower. Do I get addicted to ideas or is this part of everyone's creative process?
Naturally, every creative process is different but I know for a fact others with excessive ideas tend to be creative. I always get myself down on how caught up in the process I get, I love the fantasy of creativity and conceptualization. Because then I tend to live in la la land and not get anything done- but damn it, this is not a bad trait, it’s a gift!
I was given a mind that snaps off a lot of ideas and a lot of thoughts at the same time. This tends to give me a lot of anxiety and switch topics without notice(that realization comes to you courtesy of my loving boyfriend). But this also probably gets me through a creative process not only uniquely, but quickly.
I am in the middle of all of these creative endeavours. Crocheting ideas, antique selling and shows, making organic bath and beauty products, collaging ideas, and i have a new jewelry idea like every single day. This is ok. I have shows lined up for the summer to try out all of these little ideas.
So what did I learn this evening(well I guess now, morning)? That my brain is awesome, and I’m keeping track of all of these little thoughts. And secondly I need to start devoting a little more time a day to my creatively again. I’ve had some medical issues that have consumed my life, but I’m ready to get this creative brain back to exercising.
Thanks again if anyone read, and to all a creative night:)
What does it mean to be an artist? Is it possible to sell art for a living and make a living at it? These are the questions I keep asking myself. In reality I have only really just broke the tip off the ice burg when it comes to my creativity and art, so how can I be in a position to make that decision for my life.
So, #1: I can call myself an artist. I make things for hobby, to sell and really to just see what these hands can make after my brain thinks it up. For some reason to me there has always been a stigma attached to this- that's all over with now.(so that's settled)
2, I need to stop making things purely to sell them. So to back up here is an overview of what my current reality is...
I left a career field I was miserable in, to pursue a life of creativity that I never dreamed possible. I have held myself back in a lot of situations in life due to confidence issues and things I still struggle with from childhood. So I took this chance to take a huge pay cut, but be happy in life. I Moved back to my home state of Michigan and set my eyes above: because the sky is the limit.
With that being said, I get to work in amazing maker space, learn so much and teach creative classes. I'm continually learning, and growing and get to do one of the funnest jobs on earth. One thing I promised myself I would do is set up my own creative business, hence this website and this blog. I'm still in such a newborn phase of this experience and I already feel myself putting loads of pressure on myself, for what?
I started my etsy (https://www.etsy.com/shop/Anothercutedesign) and website at the end of last year(2015), less than 6 months ago- not long at all. I Already sometimes loose the feeling of just living my creative process. You know, when that idea comes, you loves how it's looking then your brain explodes with an addition and you have a working idea! I know this is a business and the end result is to make money but the real enjoyment is to make the art! To combine my ideas, with the technology I get to master (and use for free) so just go with it.
I can't focus on failures, just learn from them. I can celebrate my friend's success' because I definitely want them by my side when that time really comes for me. A tricky part, and I know is my aesthetic. For something to really sell, it needs to be pop-culture, trendy, something I don't want for my brand. So do I have to be a "sell-out" to "sell out" of my merchandise?
I have so much to explore and to took forward to. I made this change in my life for a reason and I have one chance to make these tasks, and this life count. I will have set-backs, and it may just get down right ugly on here at times but that's all part of the process- my process. I struggle, get upset, then something miraculous happens that I know would not have been born if it wasn't for that struggle. I just need to believe in all of that, and believe in myself
These are the thoughts that are swimming around in my head. No one may ever read this and I'm OK with that. I'm looking forward to looking back on my journey, my connection to my work and becoming the artist I always dreamed I could be.
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