My lanta, I’ve been meaning to write a blog for literally two months and today it’s happening, wherever this posts leads.  I tend to have all of these ideas and inspirations and when it comes time to executing, I just have more ideas, lol.  I’m ready to pursue more, create more, love more and just enjoy it all.

I don’t think I’ve done a post like this before and I have a million other topics to share, but I was inspired by a novel today, titled “Hello Sunshine”, by Laura Dave.  This was a culinary/finding yourself type book that looked great since my boyfriend and I are on a current top chef binge(yeah, from the beginning!). I thought it was a good way to use my brain instead of watching T.V. and receive that culinary/creative feeling.  I finished the book and will return it to the library, but it really got me thinking of how I put so much emphasis on my online presence when it comes to my creative/business account and how I just need to enjoy and focus on the positive in general.

Since I was so exhausted from the cider mill Sunday(which keeps getting better and better each sunday and truly feels amazing).  I let myself lounge around with my cats and read this morning and then watched some of my fav you-tubers, and the down time was just what I needed.  I feel clear headed, re-inspired and that I can conquer the week ahead.  So back to the topic, online content.  Below I’ve just stated a quote and how I related to it.  If you feel the same as a creative or online presence I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Quote:  “That was the Cost of my curated life.  I had no clue where I’d gotten so lost”

So to set this up, the main character was a youtube/celebrity chef that was finally getting her big break.  That came to an end when she was hacked and her true identity was revealed as an absolute fraud.

This quote in particular made me think of where my attention is most of the time.  I don’t think I try to put a false persona out into the world, I actually try to be very open and honest.  Like most artists I am aware of my content and try to make it the best it can be, but content aside it’s the time- especially mentally that I devote to primarily my instagram account(because I love the visual aspect so much!).

How many times have I not looked up at a special moment, or given my boyfriend a cheek when he tries to kiss me because I’m worried about a filter or announcement?  I do care about my business and growing it, obviously since I’m pursuing it full time now, but It can't take over my complete existence.  I can and will work hard at it but if I don’t pay attention to the other moments of my life and enjoy them then not only myself, but my work will be lacking as well.

Idea:  Living a well-rounded life benefits not only my quality of life but will be reflected in my work as well.

Quote:  “It was still trying to figure out what we lost in broadcasting our lives for everyone else's consumption.  Before we took the time, you know, to figure out what we wanted our lives to add up to.”

 It took me 30 years to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, i just always knew what i was doing then wasn’t what I wanted.  I’ve always been hiding, questioning, feeling trapped.  Reading this quote made me think I am living the life I want and I need to seize it! I still struggle with anxiety, depression, fear and all of that- but I refuse to not try all my might by fighting against them!

It also made me think of why do I care so much about followers?  I love connecting my people and nothing feels better then when someone likes my work but if these are non-engaged followers, at a whopping 300 who cares!  Do what you love and it will come.

There a difference between wanting and cultivating your success and being obsessed with popularity, and that’s what this may be to me.  A cry for popularity complex like I had in high school, well that got me real far!  It kept me from real connections and friendships for sure, it’s not something I want to happen in my business and adult life as well.

I would also love for my business to be primarily online, but I realize this is not what’s best for me.  I really enjoy(after my nerves calm down) when people like and interact with my work.  Like right now, I’m about to teach a class in the elementary school and I’m soooo nervous.  I know after I get there and hang out with a gang of 5 year olds I will come back all smiles.  It’s the time leading up, it’s outside my comfort zone and while it’s uncomfortable, it’s what's helping me grow tremendously.

Idea:  Do what makes you uncomfortable, focus on your work and doing the best job you can.  The success is coming and by focusing on it, it will happen,

Quote:  “There was a lesson in that, which Z had taught me, about what we should pay attention to instead.  About taking a hard look at what we are willing to throw away, about what we should be letting it show us”.

Look around man(I say to myself).  If I wonder if something is going to sell and it does, don’t wonder if it’s going to keep selling, enjoy it!  As I’m progressing through being “self-employed”  I feel like I’m getting stronger with each week.  My organization is getting better, I’m sending out way more things and my sales have NEVER been so high.  It feels amazing but I have mixed feelings.
        The business is overwhelming since I know it will get busier around the holidays.

​         It's’ going to slow down at the first of the year.
I happen to be reading another book that is law of attraction, making your success real.  Ever since I have started thinking that way it has been happening.  Don’t worry about the busy or the what if.  I have plans, ideas and so much to explore.  It’s going to happen so believe in yourself and more importantly enjoy it as well!!

Idea:  Believe in what you are doing, know that it is going to happen and stop worrying so much!  You are awesome!!
​
Well that’s my rant.  I think this was more getting my interpretation from these words out.  I just felt it, it resonated to what I’m going through at the moment.  I’m so grateful I had the time to come to these realizations and to reflect on them.
Now it’s off to teach and work on those etsy updates.  Have a great day, and thanks so much for reading if you made it all way through!!

  I have been struggling with some serious anxiety and depression lately.  So much so, it has made me physically ill and I'm very determined for these feelings to not take over my life and what I want to get out of it.

  In response I have been attending a lot of wellness related classes that have helped me tremendously.  After attending several events this weekend, I wrote this affirmation the next day.  This text had no purpose, but I see it now as a path for me to follow when I feel that sinking feeling.  If this can help or relate to one person that is fantastic.  PLEASE feel free to comment or discuss on this post as I am so passionate about it's content.  It is by no means perfect, but I find it uplifting just the same.  Hope you enjoy :).

  "I honor myself for who I am and love thyself.  I am the only me and I have a purpose.  I can contribute what I have to offer and make a difference in the world around me, the way the universe calls me.  I will bring light wherever I go and approach all situations with an open heart.  I will have the time to accomplish all of my desires and will process all of them when the time is right.  I will overcome my obstacles with grace as they approach and celebrate the joys of life with purity.  Just as the world evolves, so do I.  I ebb and flow, I belong and everything will work out the way it is intended to.  Remembering not one single situation or object will complete me, it is more important to be present in the moment and live with intention.  I have hope, I have faith, I give and receive love".

As always thanks for reading!
-Jenna

*Update to Comment Below
Thank you for the love Melinda!  I wouldn't be half the person I am without you in my life.  I'm very fortunate!!

Disclaimer:  This entry has no flashy pictures or fun things to look at but really just rolled off my brain into text.  It's also quite personal which I have been considering going more in that direction so I will have to see how this feels:)

Now that I have changed positions(which I haven’t even started yet) I just can’t stop wondering if what I want to accomplish is possible?!!  I already worked so hard when I was working 32 hours or less at my previous job and had creative overlap.  I will be working more and while I will have a lot of freedom I have to use it wisely and help build a sector of a business.  I just can’t help wondering if it is all really possible?

AT the end of 2016 I overbooked myself, worked myself like crazy-0 and for what?  I’m still reflecting on everything I did and I have ideas for the new year.  New projects, new goals and a business type plan but I also need to consider the actual quality of the life I’m leading.  Leaving time for free time, spending time on meaningful relationships and just doing things for fun.  I left no room for this and drove myself into the ground.

I think part of this is why I needed to leave my previous employer.  I wore myself down and every situation, drama and unfair practice that has wore on me for the last two years just wasn’t worth it anymore.  Sometimes I feel like I gave up on that place, and partly on my dream because it was so flexible and continuously creative.  

Then I remind myself I am simply pursuing an opportunity.  I can always leave(although not completely in my nature) if I don’t like it but I have a great opportunity before me.  I get to work for a company that WANTS me to take an initiative.  That TRUSTS me to build their business and is WILLING to work with my other commitments.  They are giving me the FREEDOM to work on my own business while at work and I get a predictable schedule, who would want or need more?

ANother thought that scares me is how much I enjoy working on project when they aren’t for money.  That once you take the pressure off it feels liberating, comporting and free.  This year for me is all about exploration and enjoyment.  I know how to work, to dedicate myself to something- it’s a trait that I was born with and will never give up.  But what type of life do I want to lead?  WHat type of wedding will I eventually like to have?  And I guess the root of this exploration is WHAT DO I WANT TO SEE MY BUSINESS GROW INTO?

I have tons of ideas for my business- website, products, shows so I just need to go with it.  But really remember it’s what I enjoy to do and that’s why I do it:)

​-Jenna 

​Finding out what you love, by simply eliminating your interests
 I have recently had an opportunity that sounded interesting to me, but it ended up it wasn’t what I loved.  I am so grateful that I have really been able to explore my love with working with kids through my current position.  I always thought it would be fun, and I in a way just fell into it.  I’ve been interested in working with kids but a few reasons have held me back.

Why don’t I fully do what I love now?
 My initial thought when going to school was, if I spent all day with kids I wouldn’t have the energy for the the kids I had of my own one day.  My second thought was when I was in a very conservative community setting and it seemed like “the thing to do” for women and being a “going against the grain” person like I am, I simply didn’t want to be like everyone else.

When it Sank In
 When this  other opportunity came up I had two experiences in the last week that really gravitated me toward working with kids, solidifying my love for working with them.  I decided last minute on a day off last week to go out to an old friend's house and befriended her shy 5 year old.  I had such a great time talking to her and getting her to open up and when that day was over I thought there was nothing like that feeling, and it made me wish more of my kids classes were running at work

 Next was the more spooky experience.  I actually went to an interview and as it turns out that interview went quite well.  My purpose for doing so was pursuing an interest and also fear of not having a steady income this summer.  The next day after the interview I came hope sick, slept for 5 hours after work and actually dreamt about working with kids- kind of threw me for a loop and made me reflect on past ideas I’ve had on doing that independently.

The next steps
 I have a fantastic idea to get myself out there in the world, working with kids in a way that I think can be on my own terms.  I will dedicate a day a week to work on developing these ideas and testing them out on my elementary age friends I already have:)  I also plan to meet with a groo friend who is a teacher to get some insight on that, look into a child development course again and look into volunteering with kids to make sure to get that interaction and keep building my skills.  I’m looking forward to these alternatives as opposed to jumping into school right away like I did when I was younger.

The Big Picture
 I really congratulate anyone that has found what they love, and especially those who are sticking in there to explore what that may be.  I ,myself jumped right into college after literally picking a major out of a catalog, and while I do have a knack for the major I chose, it’s definitely not what’s in my heart.  I challenge each of us to evaluate what you really want to do.  WHat speaks to you and fuels you all throughout the day.  Once you are on to something you will know, and it may even cause you to blog at 4 in the morning:)

Pictured:  My two series for kids I will be running at the Northville Art House this Summer, in a addition to organizing the kids events at The Village Workshop.
​(let's celebrate these accomplishments before moving on)